


I Hope You're Happy

by SenaCat



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Goodbyes, Homeworld is Horrible, Hurt/Comfort, Pearl Solidarity (Steven Universe), Slavery, Song references, a little comfort anyway, baby renegade, letting go, lowkey this time at least, save the pearls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 03:12:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17378495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenaCat/pseuds/SenaCat
Summary: I hope you're happy, now that you've chosen this.Sometimes, Pearl Solidarity doesn't always mean being together. It might mean being willing to let go.





	I Hope You're Happy

**Author's Note:**

> A spiritual successor of sorts to [Feeling Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16860931), it takes place in an indeterminate time during the show’s events. Here, we see the continuing ripples of that one fateful choice Blue Pearl made. If you haven’t already picked up on the reference, this fic is heavily influenced by the song Defying Gravity (Especially the animatic version by JankyBones you can find [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s93WClpkRKc)) from the musical Wicked and I take zero (0) claim to that. Enjoy!

Something has changed within a certain other blue tinted Pearl, she’s never felt this way before. She walks as fast as she can. Part of her screams not to draw attention as her blue-gray slippers sound to her as if they were hammer blows on crystal. Pearl knows it’s not true, that instead it’s the soft material her owner had specified, connecting and pushing off of the usual green tiles. Very quiet, as Benitoite prefered her Pearl to be. She tells herself she needs to be calm, after this many cycles it’s not like a bit longer will change anything. How much of a waste would it be if it all ended now? But what she’s feeling is like a miniature sun that burns within the gem on her chest. The energy radiates through her form, she’s shaking at the sensation. She can’t wait. She doesn't want to. This will change so much. Eyes in the hallway. They’re watching her. Pearl’s leftward sweeping angel wing hair sways in her poorly contained outpouring of energy, light azure in color. What is she doing out on her own? Where’s Benitoite? She’s acting so oddly, maybe someone should report her.

The whispers and quiet thoughts among the Gems along Pearl’s path don’t concern her. Why should they any more? The little fantasies, the dreams and desires. Their own whispers in the corner, in storage cabinets in private moments. They could happen. They could happen! She had proof. There was one who came before. Who closed her eyes and lept. Maybe others had since. She wanted to be the next. No, she wanted to be one of the two next! There was one other, another kindred spirit who was her entire purpose for even still being here. Hessonite wouldn’t be here. But her Pearl would be. That wonderful golden hued Gem, the one she could trust with anything. Pearl had to tell her, now. Be blasted anything else, by the time any bystanders could report anything through the appropriate channels it would be too late! Pearl has to bite her lip to keep from laughing with the joy and nervous energy of it all. It was insane.

-

Pearl nearly jumps into her companion’s arms the moment the door opens, recklessly extending her leg behind her to hit the door control and hide them from view again. Now she didn’t have to pretend, she didn’t have to wait! Hessonite’s servant sputters in surprise as Pearl laughs out loud, squeezing their bodies tight to each other. The amber is too startled to do much but blink in shock as the other Pearl nearly bowls her over, manic powder blue eyes meeting bewildered coral colored. “You won’t believe what I have to show you, Amma! It’s amazing and I just can’t even imagine. Can you believe it?” Hessonite’s Pearl; or as they quietly called her, ‘Amma’ slowly held her dearest friend away enough to look at her better. “Stars, what’s gotten into you? Aqua, slow down.” In all the excitement and fuss, the aptly named Aqua had managed to turn Amma’s swept up bob of copper colored hair into a fluffed up mess, which only got Aqua chuckling again. Aqua didn’t even see her own coiffure’s level of disarray, and wouldn’t have cared if she did.  “Ok ok, but you have to see this! Are we going to be alone for a while, this is big. Huge.”

-

The pair of Pearls finally decided on their favorite spot, the neglected cubby with the sticky latch. It hadn’t worked properly since Amma had been assigned to Hessonite, and it was rare that anyone would bother with it. And there was just enough room for two slight Gems to gossip, canoodle, or sometimes even whisper conspiratorial fantasies of adventure. But this time, the star of the event is the tiny projection Aqua provided, being shared in the opposite corner from their cozily nestled bodies. It’s awe inspiring. The quality is poor, and the Pearl who saw the events that were presented hadn’t had a very good view of what happened but there was plenty to see. A large elegant looking figure in strange garb, maybe some sort of obscure warrior variety was fighting what looked suspiciously like Homeworld soldiers in the more familiar uniforms. But that barely gets the two Pearls’ attentions, as surprising as it is. It is a smaller form, lean and nimble. She carries a pair of long thin swords, as sharp and agile as she is. And this Pearl knows how to use them to terrifying effect. Amma flinches and gasps at dramatic points in the battle, and even though Aqua has already burned every moment into her memories, even she reacts as if each second was new and novel. Each slash and every lunge becomes the most remarkable thing they have seen in their few hundred years of existence. The display is almost too overwhelming to process, that they can barely even comprehend the mind boggling episode that is a Ruby guard and a Sapphire noble fusing right there in the middle of some sort of formal court. And then, it was all over. The warriors flee, seemingly defying gravity as they leap off the field of battle.

The little space is dark again, full to bursting with two Pearls and the afterimages of things they had only ever imagined in their most fanciful of conversations. A long pause hangs in the air, before they start to excitedly chatter over each other’s thoughts. “Were those-” “-Agates and maybe-” “-ever seen a Ruby fusion-” “-how they worked-” Then the two stop as they realize what they are doing and laugh out loud. The pair hold each other close as they feel the happy tears on their cheeks, “Amma! This is real, this really happened. Everything we’ve ever imagined, talked about, wished for! It’s possible. If one Pearl can do it, any of us can. Which means we can!” Amma finally speaks again herself, although it briefly catches in her throat. “...Aqua, this. I don’t even know how to begin to say something about this.” Something in her tone seems odd but Aqua doesn’t bother to think through that before pressing on with enthusiasm.

“I know, isn’t it grand? Think about all we could do!”

“Aqua.”

“I already have ideas, I know some accessways.”

“ _Aqua.”_

“We’ll have to come up with the best time, and of course we should try to find a few item-”

“ _Pearl!”_

Aqua freezes at being called something so unfamiliar and… impersonal, with that tone coming from her closest compatriot. “A-Amma? What’s wrong?” Amma reaches past and with some effort undoes the latch. “Out, we need to talk.” Aqua’s shaking again, but with something other than excitement as she crawls out easily, offering her dainty off-white hand to aid her friend. Amma is hesitant, but finally takes it with a cautious smile as she stands and fixes Aqua with a firm look. The now concerned messenger chuckles nervously as she rubs her arm self-consciously. “Heh, Amma-” The amber-colored Pearl takes Aqua by both shoulders and holds her there. “Are you _cracked,_ Aqua _?_ ” Aqua is the one staring in disbelief now, uncomprehending. “But… this is what we’ve always dreamed of, together. What we always wanted. What’s wrong? Please, talk to me!” Amma has to make a conscious effort not to tighten her grip on Aqua’s slim shoulders enough to hurt her as she tries desperately to calm down and explain. “Aqua, that was all fantasy. Stories we told each other to keep our spirits up. To have fun.” She gives a slow shake of the head, a sad smile on her face. “It wasn’t ever meant to be real. It’s too dangerous.” Something flashes behind the pale blue eyes of her opposite number at that as Aqua steps out of reach, dumbfounded. “ _Stories?_ Was that all this ever meant to you? Imagination? Did you _ever_ really care? Do you really want to belong to Hessonite for your entire existence? Do you really want all this?” She clenches one fist by her side as her other hand sweeps broadly and angrily across the space around them. “To grovel in submission, just for this to be everything you’ll ever get to have? Is that really what you want?”   

Amma starts to speak. Then she shrinks back, turning away as she’s unable to meet her dear friend’s hard gaze. “If it means being safe. You being safe. Yes. I’m perfectly content to submit. We’re _Pearls_ , Aqua. That’s our purpose. It’s one I’m good at, and I’m willing to do. You think you’re so clever, don’t you? Part of me really does want to fly off the handle like this, part of me thinks we would be the greatest team, no one would ever bring us down.” Coral eyes damp with tears dart back to see the instigator of all this, pleading. “But the rest of me knows it could never work. Is being with Benitoite really so bad that you would be willing to risk being broken, just for something you don’t know? That might not even be there?” Amma’s questioning tone trails off as she takes a few steps forward, and sandy hands take Aqua’s own tightly, comfortingly. Aqua hears another question in that voice, one she knows she could lie to and change how this goes. It would be so easy. Benitoite wasn’t that bad, compared to a lot of Gems. And that’s what Amma had always heard. Sure, the occasional rant or worry about how she was being treated, but never anything serious. If Amma thought Benitoite was really mistreating her, then that could mean she might be willing to leave.

Aqua feels sick to think that she would consider doing that to Amma, to lie and take advantage of the concern she was being shown. So she speaks honestly. “No, she doesn’t. I would have told you if she hurt me. You know that. But why wait for something to happen? Some day something might happen to Benitoite, or Hessonite. If we’re lucky, we’ll be assigned to their replacement who knows where. If we’re lucky.” Her ice-blue fingers curl around Amma’s with a squeeze, as she brings the other Pearl’s hands to her chest, very lightly resting on her gem. Amma blushes a brick red at the intimately familiar touch, out in the open like this. Even if they were alone, she feels a bit uncomfortable. “Amma. Please. At least we’ll be together, wherever we are. I’ve made up my mind. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game, it’s too late for second-guessing.” Longing hope glimmers in Aqua’s eyes as she waits for the reply.

Conflicting emotions and thoughts dance plainly across Amma's features as she tries to see it. The fantasies. Slipping away. Never being told what to do again. Hiding away on a transport and slipping out into the unknown of an unpopulated part of the colony. Together. To rest in each other's arms, without fear of being caught. Being considered unfaithful. It would be marvelous. But if it didn't work. Being torn away from each other. At best, badly reprimanded. Seperated. At worst...

The choked out reply feels as if it’s driving one of those rebel Pearl’s swords clear through Aqua’s gem. “I hope you’re happy, now that you’re choosing this.” Amma’s hands slowly slip away, to wrap around her middle tightly, covering her own pearlescent gem. She screws her eyes shut tight as she turns away. Aqua doesn’t try to stop her, bringing her hands back to her own sides as she hangs her head sadly. “Me too.”

“You should probably go, Aqua. It’s safer if we don’t see each other, if we’re not seen together. I’ll make sure the footage is cleaned for the time you were in here.”

The newly minted runaway looks up in surprise. “You won't try to stop me?” The query turns the amber Pearl around with a look of teary-eyed disbelief. “Why would I ever stop you? What would I do? Threaten to report you? Hold you back from finding what you truly want? From what would make you happy?” She steps up again, nose to nose. “You're an idiot, Aqua. But you're the dearest idiot to me in the galaxy.” Then Amma's composure breaks completely and she clings tightly, burying her face into the diaphanous shoulder ruffle with a sob. Aqua’s attempts to put on a brave face only last a few moments longer before she too starts to weep.

So they stand together for a while, slowly swaying in place. Aqua rests her head on her dear Amma’s as she holds her securely in turn. A last moment shared.

But it can’t last forever.

Finally, slowly they seperate. A simple nod in reply as Amma tenderly wipes tears from those lovely blue cheeks. It wouldn’t do for her to be in such a state, out in public. “I hope you’re happy in the end, Aqua my friend.” There’s a brief moment of sheepishness as the disheveled appearances become apparent, and the two Pearls spend a moment carefully arranging each other with delicate and precise care. But then there’s no more time to delay.

As Aqua heads for the door, she says one last thing. “I love you Amma. Never let them bring you down.” A final soft reply, “You too.” And with that, Benitoite’s Pearl vanished. Everyone was told that she had gone into an unauthorised area and had been “replaced” due to defects. Benitoite was issued a new Pearl with apologies and condolences. Who would have suspected such a well mannered Pearl to go off like that? The new Pearl was like the old one, and everything went back to normal. And so Hessonite’s Pearl continued her life. But she always wondered. Did Aqua’s choice bring her bliss, or were the reports true and she didn’t live to regret it? Pearl asked herself that a lot. Sometimes she regretted her choice to stay behind, sometimes she didn’t. But it was hers, and Aqua had her own choice as well. Pearls rarely get to make choices that truly matter, and so she did find some pride in that.

**Author's Note:**

> I wonder what happened to Aqua. It's possible we'll see these two again but right now I don't know where or when. The looks at Homeworld mindsets I've been working on have been fascinating to me. There's themes I've always thought about and have been very happy to see brought up in the show. Gems aren't socialized like folks on Earth usually are. Love is a concept, but one that has different meanings. Physical and especially emotional intimacy has completely different connotations and expectations, sometimes very taboo. Sometimes there are very strict lines drawn, and sometimes there are gray areas that are looked down on but waved away as just getting “sentimental”. Seeing the contrasts of the Crystal Gems now, compared to the past and to Gems who only know Homeworld always interest me. Topaz not knowing what she would do without Topaz, Pearl trying to find the language to explain her feelings for Rose in the beginning. 
> 
> Long tangential wall is long, hit me up if you wanna hear me ramble more.


End file.
